PDA at Gordon Ramsay

Banquette seating—being placed, that is, against one wall at a tiny table that is within arm’s reach of the tables on either side of you—often results in the most interesting (read: uncomfortable, mortifying, unexpectedly communal) dining experience. I actually have a terrific anecdote involving me, Lou on Vine, and someone who would have realized that I was practically his dinner date if he had bothered to recognize me…but I’ll leave that till another time.

A banquette at Gordon Ramsay is actually a sumptuous, elbow-roomy affair. But that didn’t prevent us from overhearing the flirtatious conversation of the couple next to us: They were having copious amounts of red wine with the black cod. At one point, the woman got up seemingly to visit the ladies’ room, but not before she leaned over to give her date a peck…which turned into a lingering kiss…which (I wish I were kidding) lead to sucking noises.

Unless you’ve just won an Oscar and are about to forget to thank your spouse at the podium, those indulgent displays of affection are just unnecessary. And...unappetizing.

The moment could have ended there, but things really turned surreal. As if on auto-pilot, the dude got up too and walked out with her. The couple did come back eventually—oh, I don’t know, let’s say it was seven minutes.

So, dear reader, while I won’t make assumptions, I’ll leave it to you. What do you think happened in the hypothetical seven minutes?

A) They started fighting about Obama’s voting record and had to duke it out outside.

B) They’re bathroom buddies and wanted to dish about the server behind his back

C) Seven minutes is plenty of time!

D) Seven minutes is not enough time!

—Jiyeon Yoo