This just in: Govind Armstrong of Table 8 will be joining my weekly TV date with Tom Colicchio. I guess that makes it a three... oh, never mind.

How do you think BravoTV will edit the cool, mild-mannered chef? Of course, the show will most likely present him as a Miami chef through his recently opened Table 8 South Beach. And, there is very little chance that he's going to come out with his asshattery a-blazin' like Norman Van Aken in the second episode (Dude, what was his deal?).

I'm more curious to see how they'll light him, because, seriously, Govind's skintone is gor-gee-us. He was 2004 People Magazine's 50 MOST Beautiful—and you know how authoritative that is. Plus, Padma? Didn't get that distinction until this year...when the list was extended to like more than 50. If he ends up wearing a questionable shirt or a weird hat to hide his killer dreds, I'll know that Padma pulled a diva move. 

What, you finally got that primo 8pm reservations at Craft? Whatevs. Cancel them and watch Govind out-pretty Padma. No? Got TiVO? Oh well, your (sort-of) loss. 

Atwater Village isn’t exactly known for its nightlife scene outside of the Bigfoot Lodge and The Roost, both kitschy bars known for occasionally attracting Morrissey (the former) and Karen O (the latter). But that might change with The Griffin, a new bar from the dudes behind Eagle Rock's Swiss-inspired bar The Chalet. Manager Andy All tells me the space is evocative of a castle, with a domed brick ceiling, two fireplaces that sit on oval brick platforms, paintings of landscapes and knights, and two bars, one of which is available for private parties Wednesday through Sunday nights. So why haven’t you heard of The Griffin? “We opened last Wednesday on a whim,” says All. “We don’t do grand openings.” The bar is currently open daily from 8 p.m. to 2 a.m., but that will change with the introduction of a happy hour and “nice” appetizers. And there will be a signature cocktail, but they’re not sure what that is yet. In fact, the only thing that’s set in stone for now is its location: 300 Los Feliz Boulevard. 

I was still in a haze from meeting Martin Gore at Amoeba. Driving eastbound on Sunset, I was stuck at a red light on the Gower intersection when an SUV full of dudes came careening around the corner, screaming “FLAVOR FLAV!” and honking the horn. I look over and standing on the corner in a Chad Pennington NY Jets jersey next to a very swanky convertible was indeed Public Enemy sidekick/VH-1 reality star Flavor Flav.

Being situated across the street from soul food institution Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffles, there was a large crowd of people all snapping pictures and calling out Flav’s name. A circle of kids rushed up to get autographs and touch his omnipresent clock. I pulled over and joined the fray myself. I mean, this slight little man with the money bandana and gold teeth has actually made out with the super-fine “Hoops,” the winner of “Flavor of Love.” Not to mention rapped on such hip-hop classics as “Don’t Believe The Hype” and “Fight The Power.” You can’t front on that. Mad respect to you, Mr. Drayton.

Sunday afternoon, I found myself at Amoeba—again. I’ve been haunting their aisles even more than usual lately, thanks to a couple of upcoming DJ gigs. I’d done some major damage the day before unearthing all sorts of sweet vinyl sides. Yeah, I said it: vinyl. I know, I know. I just love it. Is that so wrong? But as it happens at Amoeba all too often, there were a couple of things that I forgot. Which is why I ran in again on Sunday to pick up a particular piece that they happily had in stock.

So I’d procured my treasure, and was heading through the R&B section for one quick pass when I noticed someone that looked extremely familiar. It only took a moment to realize that the slight blonde guy with the basket full of tunes was none less than Martin Gore of Depeche Mode.

OK, I could go on forever about how huge a part Depeche Mode has played in my life. From my first real girlfriend through all sorts of trials, tribulations, parties, concerts, feature films, a certain Detroit after-show where DM came to check out DJ Derrick May—their albums are like bookmarks in my life, the soundtrack to more memories than I can even remember (ha). Which is why I looked like a deer in the headlights when I was finally able to muster the courage to say hi. He was very gracious and shook my hand. I managed to say something about being a big fan and thanks. It was all kind of a blur.

It didn’t fully hit me until I’d made my purchase and stumbled back to my car in a daze that I’d just run into MARTIN GORE. The man that wrote songs like “Stripped,” “Black Celebration,” “Lie to Me”—songs that invoke vivid images and emotions every time I hear them. I just sat there for a moment, quietly freaking out. Martin Gore. Damn, that's just crazy...

It's not often that I sustain headwounds, so when I have two in a week, it deserves noting. Let's explore the whys, and the hows so that you may avoid a similar fate. 

1. When leaving the Metromix Club 82 party after enjoying an open bar of lethally strong/delicious vodka, do not text message as you walk the 4 blocks home. This poses the potential of walking directly into a metal pole serving as a bus stop. If this situation were to occur, may we suggest that you pretend it didn't happen, and later, when you are eating pancakes at a diner with friends at 4am, blow off the fact that you have a raised, very red bump that will remain for days.

2.  Situation 2 is a little more tricky, as it involves anticipating the dangerous ways of others. The best advice we can give is this: when you are at a birthday party for, say,  Jonah Ray, and he appears to be highly intoxicated off of Tecate and fish tacos, do not try to obtain a front row position as he attacks a pinata. Doing so might put you in harm's way when he rips off his blindfold, tears into the pinata, and hurls candy at you. And if the candy includes sharp-edged boxes of Nerds, you might get hit with enough impact to sustain a deep cardboard scratch.

So I've concluded: to protect myself from Leisure-related injury, I need to be swaddled in something soft, and thick-- for example, a gorilla suit. Though I won't be the secret gorilla-suited VIP at Ghettogloss on Thursday, I will be there getting my ape on. 

My friend John posted this on his MySpace today: read to the end and you'll see how apparently someone nasty is grabbing girls in Brooklyn and cutting their faces. Scary.

"so Friday night at about 1:30am i got attacked right out front of my apt building as i was trying to get in the door. i fought a good fight but the asshole got everything... id, cc cards, cash, phone, and a couple of kicks to my face. bruises and cuts aside... be careful in your own neighborhoods. he literally came out of nowhere. i live on south 4th between wythe and kent in williamsburg. the cops said that most likely hes a repeat offender, so if anyone hears of ANYTHING in williamsburg, let me know. Because the guy beat me up the cops are going to leave this as an open investigation. There are supposedly security cameras on the outside of my building, so hopefuly they would have caught the whole thing. GIRLS watch out when you are walking alone at night. this sucks. this guy is wanted for robbery and assault and the police are taking this VERY seriously.

UPDATE* there is apparently a guy in williamsburg who is attacking girls from behind and cutting their faces, i did not get cut, but i also hit the guy and fought him off as much as i could. the cases all might be related. still waiting to see if the security tapes come through. PLease contact Detective LAREN at the 90th precint in on union ave in williamsburg brooklyn if you hear of anything or suspect anything. His number is 718- 963-5368. if you are getting followed do not hesitate to call 911. thats why they are there."

Thanks to everyone who took part in our American Apparel poll over the last two weeks. We had asked you if you thought that American Apparel ads were:

a)sexy

or

b)creepy

Can you guess the results?

While one quarter of you open-minded Angelenos find American Apparel ads sexy, the majority (76%) take a more puritanical stance, and finding them decidedly creeeepy.

Disclaimer: I have to admit that I voted several times myself, and each time, my response was different. When I was PMSing and feeling bloated, I voted 'creepy'. When I was feeling slutty, I voted 'sexy'.

So I guess it goes to show that in American Apparel, as in life, there are no set truths.