Britney Spears is like the rodent problem I had when I lived in Boston. No matter how thoroughly I cleaned the apartment or blocked the holes with steel wool, the mice would multiply and squeeze their nasty little bodies through any opening they could find. They’d come out while I was in the shower or crawl on my face when I was sleeping; once a dirty little thing even jumped out of my box of cereal. Disgusting.

I’m as equally repulsed and obsessed with the Britney phenomenon as I was with the mouse infestation that signified my time in Boston. (I can’t even tell you how fitting I think it is that she got her start on the “Mickey Mouse Club.”) She can go to rehab, slim down, wear underwear and put in hair extensions, and she’s still a mess. For one thing, the girl goes clubbing despite multiple stints in rehab. For another, she wears her clothes backwards and barfs all over herself.

But what really perplexes me is the team of supporters that not only defends her, but that act like her too. For example, the girls who duked it out in Les Deux’s parking lot on Sunday night, after one chick called Britney a whore and told her to go home to her babies. Typical Britney behavior ensued: hair extensions were torn out, unsightly body parts exposed. The best part: Britney wasn’t even there to partake in the drama ‘cause she’d already driven off.

It’s like Britney’s is the queen kahuna and spawning off little baby rodents, all of whom have matching hair extensions and share the need to show off their naked body parts.

Wait, Crazy 4 Cult is tonight? At Gallery 1988 ? Eh, I've only been looking forward to it for three months, and have it written in four different calendars, but whatevs. (Note: I am not lying. I have four calendars.)

Obvs: I'm stoked. The opening reception starts at 7, and I ger-an-tee this mother will genrate a line down the block, expecially since its host, Mr. Kevin Smith (the mind behind Clerks and the somatic vessel of Silent Bob) is hosting.

AND he was on KROQ this morning to promote it. I'm sure it'll be pretty low key though.

Check out this interview with Kevin Smith and Leo Quinones:

PS- for anyone who's been desperate to see a Darth Vader scultpture on rollerblades with Gucci eyelids, your time has come:

(Peter Gronquist's "Darth Blader.)

Holy mother of God. Linkin Park is kicking off its tour tonight at Ritual. Yep, you read that right! They’re taking over Ritual, home to every celebrity and A-lister in Hollywood, for an intimate show that will benefit Music for Relief. Naturally, the event is invitation-only, with tabloid magnets Adrian Grenier, Britney Spears and Rachel Bilson on the list. There’s no way anyone will be able to crash the party, but you can certainly go and listen from the parking lot, where I’m sure the paparazzi will be hanging out. (I guess this event will take the thunder out of Les Deux’s anniversary party.)

“Dude, people are going to get tired of reading about how you ran into Mark and Cara and stood around talking s#!t.”

Right you are, Mr. Willett. Thanks to the generosity of my new super-friend Scott McDonald, we’re in the thick of the overwhelming crush of humanity wedged inside Little Radio to see John Vanderslice and Spoon, and it’s quite the sight to behold.

For one, the Los Angeles Cute Girl Army is out in full force. I mean, this is redonkulous, as Alie would say. I haven’t seen this many fine ladies in one place since I don’t even know when. Spoon’s Britt Daniel is onstage sweating it out admirably, running through a litany of tunes from his extensive catalog. Everyone else is sweating too, because it’s hot – really hot. It's kind of cool to hear the crowd cheer for "The Underdog" because they've heard it on the radio (nice work, Indie 103 and KCRW). I spy Michael “Gemini” Bauer pushing his way out of the serious scrum in front of the stage for some air. The open Dewar’s bar is on jam, with the hot tattooed bartenders somehow staying cool and friendly in spite of the barrage of dollar bills looking for drinks (hey Dewar’s people – try using Vernor’s ginger ale as a mixer next time. Trust me on this one.). There’s Greg from Autolux. There’s Daniel Gill, super-publicist to the stars. There’s Graham MacRae, holding it down at Warner Bros and an accomplished singer-songwriter in his own right. Pretty women, free booze, good friends – what’s not to love? No s#!t-talking here – this is awesome!

The party keeps going even after Spoon’s admittedly sweet set (which ended on a tight rendition of “I Summon You”). I’m hanging outside with Graham, Daniel and John Vanderslice, who is possibly the nicest guy in the world. Seriously. Make sure to check him out the next time he plays Los Angeles. I’ll keep you posted. He’s kind enough to take us backstage for some great conversation and more beer. Everyone’s just kicking it, no attitudes or pretensions. Britt Daniel is happy to pose for a picture. Lots more cute ladies, the kind that smile back. We love them. That’s when Graham’s friend John reminds me to come check out Little Radio’s Summer Camp party. “Just imagine all of these same girls, only in their bikinis. It’s amazing.”

Sold American, as my dad would say.

God bless Little Radio, making L.A. just that much cooler – and hotter.  

Sometimes a Ward just has to sack out on the couch like a tranquilized rhino and miss Spoon at Little Radio. In such cases, a simple text message can provide as much entertainment.

I've never wanted to be guiltier, but alas the genius remains a mystery. If anyone has information on the evildoer who finger-branded a tour van with hooker shame, the drummer of this band wants answers. Watch out though, she's got sticks, and she hits things with them.