Credit: Pretty on the Inside 

 
Everything that could be said about Britney’s disastrous performance at the VMAs has been said. She didn’t sing, she didn’t dance so much as jiggle in her sequined bikini, and, though she looked like she was four months pregnant with a keg, her performance wasn’t even cringetastic. It was boring. So boring in fact, I didn’t even have a desire to hurl my remote at the TV. Instead, I just clicked it off, went to the Cha Cha Lounge and stared into my glass of tonic-and-gin and sighed. RIP Brit Brit, RIP.

PS. And what was up with LC's dress? It looked like a white-and-silver sequined potato sack—not an enticing way to debut her new "fashion" line. 

PPS. The moral of the story: Just because you’re wearing sequins does not mean you’ll sparkle. Unless you're a tranny and hang out here.

Photo credit: Ricardo DeAratanha

So, I was wrong. John Legend isn’t the super secret performer at this year’s Entertainment Tonight/People Emmy Awards party as I suspected. But he is getting in on the Emmy action. I just got wind that he’s headlining the TV Guide party at Les Deux instead. (So exciting!)

Also on the bill is Band From TV, Greg Grunberg’s band with James Denton, Bob Guiney, Bonnie Somerville and Hugh Laurie. I saw them play at last year’s TV Guide after-party at Social Hollywood and I can tell you this: There’s nothing Hugh Laurie can’t do well. (He better freakin' win an Emmy next Sunday.)

Samantha Ronson is DJing the event, but that’s not all. TV Guide is turning Les Deux into a French-inspired playground evocative of Marie Antoinette’s lavish fetes. There’ll be 12 bars, black chandeliers, a classic French garden (trimmed hedges, topiaries, and juniper trees), and costumed “champagne girls” pushing carts of bubbly. (I’m just bubbly thinking about it.) 

We can’t all be saints like our superstar intern Sara Tan, who had her gorgeous locks shorn for Locks of Love. But we can do our part just by partying. The folks at Philantro Productions are all about throwing top-notch events at buzz-worthy clubs as a way to raise money for its non-profit partners via cash donations at the door, raffles and bar tabs. My super fabulous intern Jane Pham hit up Philantro’s last bash at Cabana Club on Thursday, August 30 and was treated to a fashion show by Ray Ray Clothing as well as cocktails care of Effen Vodka and 180 Energy. The mission: to benefit Camp Heartland, an organization dedicated to children affected by HIV/AIDS. Take a peek inside.

Want to get in on a little charitable clubbing? On Saturday, DJ Lady Sha is taking over Tantra to host Sunkissed, an event to benefit HavenHouseLA, a shelter for women and children recovering from domestic violence.

PS. There’s no cover is you RSVP (list@lionessLA.com) and there’ll be gift bags packed with goodies from FIJI, Terra and, um, CondomJungle.

Now if that’s not a good enough reason to drink up, I don’t know what is. 

After all the hubbub about having two separate bars in the state of California named Harlot—the original Harlot is in San Francisco—it seems the L.A. Harlot has decided to change its name before it opens. I just got a voicemail from the bar’s marketing dude Jamie Barren who said that they’re leaning toward calling it Tramp, which would be fitting because Charlie Chaplin used to own the building that houses the West Hollywood bar, or so Jamie says. Whatever they decided on, it’ll most likely still have a hit-you-on-the-head sex-themed name. The bar kicks things off with a soft opening party (“It’s a porn party,” laughs Jamie) on September 27, but won’t open to the public until the first week in October. [Insert “grand opening” joke here.]

I certainly don’t make cocktails as well as well as I drink them, so I appreciated this overheard advice from the bartender at Bar Marmont last night. 

"The secret to a good cocktail is to shake it like it done something wrong to you."

If anyone would know, it'd be him. Bar Marmont serves the best classic cocktails, especially the (ice cold) Pimm’s Cup.

To know me is to know I’m never speechless. But at this moment, I’m at a loss for words. Behold this flier for a porn party this Sunday.

Note the location: Northridge.
Note the dress code: clothing optional.
Note the offer of, um, professional massages.

Email promoter Joe Joe at rsvp@joejoepromotions.com to get on the list. Wear protection.

Photo credit: Wally Skalij

√  Pubic hair alert! The Boom Boom Room has had its last romp. [OC Weekly]

√  What is it about Les Deux that makes people want to fight? [TMZ]

√  Is Reza Roohi’s glamorous club Villa really going to open at the end of this month? With this photo, I think not. [Eater LA]

√  Is SBE promoter Frankie Delgado dating LC? [TMZ]

√  A tiny VIP bar that feels like a house party and serves free booze: sweet! [Caroline on Crack]

Whoa. Stop the presses. Kanye West is flying into L.A. tonight at 10:45 p.m. and going straight to Les Deux. (I'm telling you: Tuesdays at Les Deux are hot.) The club’s hosting a record release party for his new album “Graduation,” in stores September 11, and rumor has it that he’s antsy to see the crowd’s reaction. After all the sh-t he and 50 Cent have been slinging at each other, he better hope the reaction is good. Email freshpolitix@gmail.com to get on the list.