We're pathologically social. We're professional leisurists. We're burrito lovers, bar flies, art whores and music nerds. We dish the good dirt, and we'll risk a parking ticket for a cheap sample sale. Sometimes, we blog drunk.
One week, two headwounds.
It's not often that I sustain headwounds, so when I have two in a week, it deserves noting. Let's explore the whys, and the hows so that you may avoid a similar fate.
1. When leaving the Metromix Club 82 party after enjoying an open bar of lethally strong/delicious vodka, do not text message as you walk the 4 blocks home. This poses the potential of walking directly into a metal pole serving as a bus stop. If this situation were to occur, may we suggest that you pretend it didn't happen, and later, when you are eating pancakes at a diner with friends at 4am, blow off the fact that you have a raised, very red bump that will remain for days.
2. Situation 2 is a little more tricky, as it involves anticipating the dangerous ways of others. The best advice we can give is this: when you are at a birthday party for, say, Jonah Ray, and he appears to be highly intoxicated off of Tecate and fish tacos, do not try to obtain a front row position as he attacks a pinata. Doing so might put you in harm's way when he rips off his blindfold, tears into the pinata, and hurls candy at you. And if the candy includes sharp-edged boxes of Nerds, you might get hit with enough impact to sustain a deep cardboard scratch.
So I've concluded: to protect myself from Leisure-related injury, I need to be swaddled in something soft, and thick-- for example, a gorilla suit. Though I won't be the secret gorilla-suited VIP at Ghettogloss on Thursday, I will be there getting my ape on.
Miss Alie Ward
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