The Weekend of Ward: BCAM vs. Zicam

Ward’s weekend to-do list:

1. Sweating: check

2. Hallucinating: check

3. Same clothes for 3 days: check

4. 103 degree fever: check

4. Going to the opening weekend of BCAM, LACMA’s new museum: uh, no

Despite my best intentions, this weekend recap is much less Ward on the Street and much more Ward in the Sheets. No, not a foray into autobiographical porn, but rather the effects of hosting an off-the-hook virus party that has rendered me, as I write this, little more than a sweat-soaked, mouth-breathing zombie.   

If you haven’t heard, LACMA just opened The Broad Contemporary Art Museum, funded by some really rich old people with a serious art collection. Eli and Edyth Broad gave LACMA $56 million to house their kick-ass collection of work by art celebrities like Andy “Soup Can” Warhol, Jeff “Balloon Dog” Koons, Cindy “I take pictures of myself in disguises” Sherman, and Jasper “I make paintings of flags” Johns. Oh, and there's some "Warhol Prodigy" Basquiat in there, too. 

But rather than ride the 30 person elevator, stare at Hoover vacuums encased in glass, or witness new work by Barbara “Alie Ward’s Hero” Kruger, I stayed in bed for 72 hours, occasionally moaning like Frankenstein and feeling the effects of my brain cooking at 103 degrees, turning rubbery like a slowly poaching egg.

On the upside, BCAM isn’t going anywhere. And opening weekend was likely an agoraphobe’s nightmare, with 15,000 people jamming the galleries like Christmas Eve at the mall. So, as Metromix as my witness, as soon as I stop planning my funeral from under 12 blankets, I’m totally there.

Urging you to snort Emergen-C,

 Miss Alie Ward