Make mine a Jamagel
I guess you do learn something new every day.
A Rastafarian Fairy must have left these curious goodies on my desk: Jamagel, a “Jamaican-flavored bagel.” Strange, is this what Jamaica tastes like?
It really isn’t that different from your run-of-the-mill bagel: It’s boiled, then baked, and boasts all 350+ empty calories of one. But while one would normally assume that a bagel keeps kosher, this one indicates “ITAL!!!” The heck?
So this is my point of revelation: Apparently, “ital” refers to food that is in accordance with Rastafarian guidelines: no pork, no shellfish, no red meat, no preservatives or artificial additives. Not even salt, according to one Rasta-waving website. And while every practicing Rastafari, I would expect, freely delights in “di ganja,” coffee and cigarettes and alcohol are verboten. Is it just me, or are they starting to sound Seventh-day Adventist?
Each Jamagel also comes with a Jamaican phrase and translation printed on the packaging—you know, kind of like a fortune cookie without the satisfying crunch or lottery numbers. Mine came with this chestnut: “As long as someone is alive, don’t dismiss their potentials.” Geez, talk about lowered expectations. Sounds like dating advice I once heard...
—Jiyeon Yoo