It's 5:52 on a Tuesday, and already, I'm nervous. There's just too much happening, and no matter where I go, my hair will look awful.

First off, Zach Galfoniknokusberenhoffer (aka Zach Galifianakis ) performs at Upright Citizens Brigade's Comedy Death Ray . Bearded and rotund, he's got a way about him that makes me want to have bearded and rotund baies. Also, he is friends with Fiona Apple and if she is there, and I am not, I would lay upon my sword. Evidence:

As mentioned earlier, Tegan and Sara are also perfoming (for friggity-free) at Amoeba, and Seattle carpetbaggers Mulally play a free show at the delightful Echo Curio.

Also, an artsy little video series is screening that the Hammer , AND Ding-a-Ling night is happening at Hyperion Tavern. Comrades who have attended the latter report that it is rife with hotties. 

The solution: nerdariffic 18-sided dice that are a staple in every D&D geek's life. I would assign each option a number, and roll away. Hair be damned.

Okay. I'll be straight up with you. If I could be anywhere, doing anything, I might not be at this desk, with this hair.

Rather, I'd be sitting on a roof, in the warmish shade of Amoeba Records. And maybe I'd be eating a hot dog or something, waiting for Tegan and Sara to play a free show downstairs. Then I'd go roller skating. Then I'd go to the Mulally show tonight, then suddenly I'd be in Palm Springs in a hammock.

Can someone please get on this? Thank you.